11/21/2024

I have not added anything new (or old for that matter) to this blog lately. I hit two years free from hard drugs a few months ago.

Some days, I barely recognize my life.... that is a lie.... Each day blows my mind. My life has become so different.

I still face a lot of challenges, and I have only just begun to recover from a lifetime supply of trauma, drug addiction, and heartbreak...but I am recovering, nonetheless.  

As I continue to recover, I continue to be uncomfortable.

Growth is not about comfort, unfortunately, which is sad news for a pleasure seeker.

But I find that the more uncomfortable I become, the greater the reward overall.

WOW. You mean instant gratification is bullshit? Yes.

The best things in life come slowly because life is a journey.

The race is long...and I am the only person I am up against on the road of destiny.  

Drug addiction is traumatic. I never considered that I would have to deal with combat veteran PTSD levels.

I am finally beginning to be able to cry again and I am allowing myself to do so.

Integrating back into society has been difficult but also interesting.

My view has become more objective as I have begun to step out of survival mode.

I was able to sit down in silence and draw for over an hour yesterday.

My apartment is fully furnished and next month marks two years since I started paying rent.

I have been keeping my commitments to my son. I have been following through.

People are beginning to respect me.... some people even love me.  

I have gotten a lot better at guitar. I no longer must get drunk to play music on stage, in fact, I prefer not to play whilst drunk.

I sound better just being myself.

I have a small studio space in an art gallery, and I have sold a few paintings. My dream came true...all my dreams are coming true.

I walked on a runway last weekend wearing blue. I thought I looked beautiful....

I can look at myself in the mirror again and notice my own laughter.  

I shower every day, and I brush my teeth before bed.

I like to cook and eat. I sleep well at night...in my own bed!

Turns out, I am a morning person. The sunrise always seems to smile at me.

I am smiling right now (I am also crying but they are happy tears). 

I have five semesters left until I graduate from college.

Thanks to my studies, I was able to understand acronyms used in a board meeting the other day. I cannot explain how good that felt.

I am speaking the language of the professionals.

I am no longer followed around when I go into stores and people speak to me in public.  

I can’t remember the last time I received a death threat.

I feel safe and secure here with my feet on the ground.

The fact that I am still alive is an absolute miracle and there is no explanation for it other than the grace of God.  

Grace falls like rain... close the damn umbrella.