I just realized how glad I am that you are off of heroin. I suppose our time together wasn't a total waste. You came out a lot better on the other side...of course, anything is better than being strung out on heroin so I guess that isn't saying much.

I'm not mad any more. I'm in the throes of my addiction and you need to stay away from needles. My track marks would make you nauseous. I don't give a fuck about my reputation. I don't give a fuck about anything  besides the rush.

I wanted to blame you. You were the first person to use a needle in front of me. You let your friend shoot me up when you needed heroin.....but blame is always bullshit. Blame is an excuse. Blame is weak. I did this. I chose to be another fucking junkie. We all have choices to make in life...I made my bed ....I never really sleep in it though.

People have a way of saying things when they're angry or bitter or hurt. These things reveal the parts of us that we keep tucked away inside of dark compartments. I meant it when I said I hope you never overdose again. I heard you loud and clear when you said that you hope I do. I'll never forget that particular shade of grayish blue. It would really clash with my lipstick. I wonder who would find me....would they know CPR? Would they call 911?

I'd be lying if I pretended that this didn't hurt. Luckily, I have enough drugs to get me through it without feeling too much. There's a look on my face that says "don't open dead inside ". I can do better, I just don't have it in me right now. Which sucks because I have the most potential of any person I've ever met. I waste a bit more of it each day.

I apologize for checking out when you needed to check in. I could have shown you the parts of me that are actually amazing.

Instead, you got to see the struggling drug addict who eventually turned into a junkie. Never saw that shit coming..

I apologize to me too. That's who I'm hurting the most. I'm killing myself every day.

I don't care....and I'm sorry for that. Apathy is my AIDS.

I'm glad you're off of heroin. It was time well wasted...now...I'm just wasted. See you on the other side.